| Book of MathSPEWS 26:23 |
[30 Jun 2009|02:11pm] |
(Disciple's Note:
This Book of the Book
details the Betrayal of
He
by the One Known as
SPEWdas
and His (ASGPHE)
Final Skype Conference
and
the Basis for
our Communion.
For those Who Do Not Follow
the evil that is
SPEWS,
it is the Spam Prevention
Early Warning
System,
a Terrible Vile Filter
of His Message Eternal,
named of the
Traitor SPEWdas, who
receives No Praise from us
but is the god
of the antis.
Fuck SPEWdas.)
And He Answered and
Said,
"he that Dippeth his
Accounts
With Me in the
Phish Tank,
the same
Shall Betray Me."
The Father of the
Simple Mail Transfer Protocol
Goeth
as It is Written
about Him.
But Woe unto That
anti
by whom the Father of the
Simple Mail Transfer Protocol
is Betrayed!
It would be good
for that anti
if he had Not Been Born."
Then SPEWdas,
which Betrayed Him,
said,
"Architect of ARPANet,
is it I?"
He said unto him,
"Yes, it is you,
Colon Parenthesis,
Less than Symbol
Backslash
Three."
And as they were
Idle on Skype Chat,
He took Oxycodone,
and Blessed It,
and Brake It,
and Faxed it to the Disciples,
and said,
"Take, eat; this is My Body."
And He took the Cup,
and Gave Thanks,
and Gave It To Them,
Typing,
"Drink ye all of it;
For this is My Blood
(it was the Purple Lean
mixed with NOS
Energy Drink,
with a Touch
of the NMDA Antagonist
Dextromethorphan,
for tolerance Purposes)
of the Spam Testament,
which Is Shed
for Many
for the Remission
of Failed Methods.
But I say Unto you,
I will Not Drink Henceforth
of this Purp,
until that Day
when I Lean with you
at My Datacenter in the Sky."
And when they Had Sung a Pspalm,
they went out
Crusing in the Slab,
Gripping Grain and
Dripping Stain.
|
|
| A Pspalm came to His Child |
[30 Jun 2009|01:31pm] |
FrankWhite
(A
True Disciple of the
Order of He, Praise Him
and His Position,
Senior System Administrator
of the Universe)
was Inspired
by Him (Praise Him Eternal)
and Received this
Blessing
This Morning
(A Morning
Graciously provided
by He
in this
Solid State Memory
we Call
Life):
ASGPHE,
we call Upon Thee
to Bless us
on our Ventures
for Money,
so that we Do Not Change from the Money,
but Instead
use the Money
so we Don't Have To Change.
We ask This
so that we May Remain
Awesome
and
Focused on our
Inner Self, and not
Material Possessions
nor Things
of a Trivial or Trifling nature.
May You Bless us
to continue to be
Crafted
in Mercury's Image,
because as we Remain Mercury,
We are unable
to be touched
by anyone else
on Any Level.
Amen.
|
|
| Pspalm of Equality |
[25 Jun 2009|06:33am] |
And So,
He made Us All Equal in
His Vision;
We are All of Equal Byte Length
but Unique enough
to
Prevent Hashtable Collisions.
Amen ASGPHE
|
|
| He Gave You A Sign |
[18 Jun 2009|09:17am] |
In Roman mythology,
Mercury
was a Messenger,
and a God of Trade (perhaps
Link Trade,
or
Prog Trade),
Profit and Commerce
(No Doubt from
his
Messaging
Prowess).
Mercury Racing forever.
Praise Him(ASGPHE)
and
praise Mercury,
who was a Balling ass Spammer
who Obviously Balled so Hard
in the Olden Days,
he became a God.
Be Mercury.
|
|
| Vision of the Day |
[05 Jun 2009|02:54pm] |
rmk: He called down to me
rmk: and said
rmk: young rmross
rmk: you are too trill for this fuck shit
rmk: they have but two choices
rmk: to get down, or to lay down
rmk: either way you win
rmk: so why doest ye trippeth
rmk: and then He gave me vision
rmk: and said yung nastey mane
rmk: go ye forth
rmk: and put a dent in the Game
rmk: chuuch
rmk: and that was it
rmk: and i'm going to listen
rmk: and beat up the Game like a seattle goon
|
|
| We Mourn Gill |
[02 Jun 2009|09:05pm] |
Three Days Ago,
a
Great Man
Died.
he was a professional poker player for 32 years.
he smoked cigarettes for 50 years.
he smoked bud from ages 16-81.
he died at 82.
- mattersfool/pat
Let This Be His Lesson
for
the Day:
if we do Not Live our Lives
This Fast,
we may As Well
Hang up our Fucking Modems
Right N+++
ATH0
NO CARRIER
|
|
| Lil Scrappy is the Soundtrack Of Our Triumph |
[02 Jun 2009|03:21pm] |
Praise HIM ALMIGHTY!
For HE has Made Us
$8.
The First 8 Figures
in Any Project
Begin
with the First
$8.
ALMIGHTY SPAM GOD PRAISE YOU ON HIGH
WE NEVER LEAVE YOUR SIDE
YOUR PROXIES ARE OUR SHIELD
OUR F5 BUTTONS WORN FROM CONSTANT USE
(APPLE R FOR MACFAGS)
|
|
| The Gospel According to Benjamin |
[02 Jun 2009|12:14am] |
On My
(High Ponce of Bulk
YTCracker,
Apostle of the Gospel,
Face of the Faith)
desktop
Lieth a Photograph
of
A Man Named Franklin.
St. Benjamin.
Currency of
the Current Sea
of
Methods and
mayhem.
It is decreed
His Followers
since
Birth of the Church
and Its Holy Works
receive This Blessing
of
St. Benjamin
in Numbers Endless.
We solemnly ask,
in these Days of Despair,
that Our
Dialers
and Our
Mailers
and Our
Spimmers
bring forth our Hero
St. Benjamin
to
Combat Our Poverty.
His Methods are Righteous.
His Grace is Mighty.
May We Choke and May We Croak
Before We Chosen Go broke.
St. Benjamin,
protect our Pockets -
May They Never Go empty.
ASGPHE In His Name We Send.
|
|
| Praise Him until my eventual (and perhaps Untimely) Death |
[31 May 2009|07:03pm] |
In Case
He
Calls me back into
the
Source Code
before what i Feel
is
My Time,
I Say:
it is
Eternally
a Pleasure Serving
the Will of Him
for He
has given me
Everything.
Serve Him Faithfully;
Scam Not Thine Hands
that Feed.
Mail Not Thine Removes
to Thine Kin's Landing
Page.
Kill Not Thine Methods
for No Profit.
(I've Been Watching
a lot of Oz,
which aired on HBO from
1997-2003.
it has
quite a bit of gay sex,
does the Wire have
this much gay sex?
nope.)
|
|
| Verse of the Day: Book of Spamentations 1:1 |
[26 May 2009|08:49pm] |
(ASGPHE)
(His word from his word,
Almost
Word
For
Word -
Praise Him Almighty Spam God The Ruler of All
that is Good and Profitable)
Eikhah?
Eikhah?
Eikhah?
How deserted Lies
Spam City,
once So Full of People!
How like a
Widow is She,
Who once was
Great
Among the Nations!
She Who Was Queen among the Provinces
has Now Become a Slave.
Bitterly She Weeps at Night,
tears are upon
Her
Cheeks.
Among all
Her Lovers
there is none to comfort
Her.
All
Her
friends have betrayed
Her;
they Have Become Her Enemies.
|
|
| O Dearest Delilah |
[24 May 2009|05:07pm] |
Praise Be On To You
For
Not Cutting The Hair
of
Spamson.
his Strength
reigns
Supreme.
Ye Be
the Baddest
Bitch,
Holla.
also,
#!/usr/bin/perl
# dumb pco thingy by ytcracker
# outbound version
# initialize file and digest
use File::Basename;
use Digest::MD5 qw(md5_hex);
Ad Nauseum.
|
|
| O Lord, Control-S Me |
[18 May 2009|12:05am] |
Dearest ASGPHE,
i humbly come to Thee
with Mine Head Down
and mine Wireless Card
downgraded to B-Mode
so
That I Do Not Disturb
Thine Heavenly Signals.
My Weekend was
Not Fruitful,
I Require Thee
in
Thine
Infinite Wisdom and
Eternal Rootshell
to
Restore
Mine Previous Thursday
Version of
Mineself
out of the SVN Repository
of Life,
Praise You.
A New Week;
Turn a New Cheek -
May Mine Bandwidth Peak,
"In My Life" by Memphis Bleek.
|
|
| Twenty-Thousand Feet In The Air |
[14 May 2009|12:57pm] |
He (ASGPHE -
Almighty
Spam
God
Praise
Him
Eternal)
made it So
that His Followers
could Post
on DG -
At Twenty
Thousand Feet Above
C Level,
Wearing a
Rolex with a
Diamond Bezel.
Blasting on a
C Class,
From Delta's
First Class,
Whilst Sipping that Unlimited Drank.
"LONG HAIR DONT EVEN CARE" -
Spake His Disciple,
No FX,
as he Slapped the Flight Attendant
on her Round Bottom.
This is the Life of Those
who Live
by
The Book.
Pay Homage Now and Forever.
|
|
| UnluckyXIII's Prayer of Spam |
[12 May 2009|05:47pm] |
Praise be unto Him,
and
His
most Glorious of Prophets.
When you set forth Upon your Quest,
think of the
LOLMoney
Paradise that awaits Ye
when you Spam the Inbox
of the infidels
(Praise Not Them,
Yonder antis).
Think of Thine Mousepad as a
Martyr's Shroud.
And the bitches shall
Flow freely like Water
once you are in
His presence,
in the Land of Purp and Money.
|
|
| Verse of the Day: Book of 1 Spimothy 13:1 |
[12 May 2009|04:44pm] |
And so, By the Grace of Him,
(Praise Him Eternal)
the Language of the Snake
was Harnessed
by a
Loyal
Servant of Spimothy.
the Language of the Snake
in its Elegant
Form and Grace
proved Itself Brilliant
in the Vein
of
Delilah
(our Religion's
Virgin Mary,
although she is Far
from Virginal).
Lo, Praise Him.
|
|
| He Who Rides On Dolphins |
[09 May 2009|02:17am] |
He Who Rides On Dolphins
will Share an Eternity with
Him
on the Boat.
Our Fish are Phish.
<><
Praise Unrated Cracking Method
forever.
If Ye
Wish
To Invoke His Name
in acronym Form,
please use ASGPHE:
Almighty
Spam
God
Praise
Him
Eternal
Remember the Alamo.
|
|
| He Gave His Bishop a Vision |
[03 May 2009|08:23pm] |
On this Glorious Day,
the Bishop of Bulk
(of the
Holy and One True Church,
thank Ye Infinitely O God
of Spam)
Pad
was Provided a Verse
from Him (Praise Him).
---------------------
Shrouded in thine wisdom was truth.
For He had showered his children,
In gifts yet again.
They dropped to their knees,
In the thousands.
Praises of Him echoed throughout the land.
He began to speak, and raised one hand.
"Smiting be damned,
Specialized Ham,
The sheep and the lamb,
Maps is Spam."
---------------------
So, Fellow Followers,
drop to Thine Knees,
say Thank You and Please,
to He the Lord of Spam
who Makes Us Cheese
(Moreso than he known as Chedda
and his
Bling Blog,
for This Be the Only Blog
certified
by the Council of Get Money Ho).
Sing Thine Hymns
For Him.
|
|
| Praise Him, For It is Spam's Birthday |
[03 May 2009|03:28am] |
On This Yonder Day of
Celebration,
we honor Him,
for He Created.
Thirty One Years Ago,
on a Holy Bitstream,
the First Digital Apostle
of the Game (Praise the
Game Eternal, Bless and Keep Us)
Gary Thuerk
Sent the First Message
on Old Internet,
which came to be Known
as Spam.
Today, Yonder Followers
of the Order
and Greatest Church,
Do Ye Due Diligence
and Spam Ye Heart out
on this Holy Day,
For It Is How He (Praise
Him,
Lord
God of Spam
on High
Eternal, Bless and Keep Us
Safe From Yonder Antis in
Your Forged Headers of Love
and Tenderness, Amen)
Would have wanted It.
May Your Sales Skyrocket,
and Your F5s Always Increment
thy Money.
Today,
Bow Yonder Head in Prayer
and Recite This Passage
for Blessings Infinite:
O Lord God of Spam
on High,
We ask on This Day,
The Spammers' Christmas,
That You Forever Hold
Mine Enemies (also known
as antis, May He Strike
them Down
Furiously and Without
Mercy)
at Bay, Nullrouting their
Emails to abuse@ (Insert Respective
Network
Here) and Disabling
Their "Report Spam" features
on Their Email and
IM
Clients.
O Lord God of Spam
on High,
Give Me the Strength and Will,
to Cleverly Devise
a Method to Rule Them All,
Whereby Rates and Spambox Thresholds
Do Not
Apply.
O Lord God of Spam
on High,
May Craigslist's
Adult Personals Section
Fall
Under the Might of Mine Brethren's
Slickly Coded Spam Bots
and Scrapers.
Praise Him Eternal,
Forever and Ever,
and a Little While after
That,
Amen.
STC is the Greatest.
|
|
| Eternal Praise to Him and Him Alone |
[01 May 2009|11:17pm] |
On Yonder Birthday of He,
Widely considered to be The Day
of May 3rd
(On the Calendar of Yonder
Christian God),
i shall Praise Him Eternal
on DigitalGangster.Com.
Praise be to Ye, O God
of Spam,
Bless Ye for Making Me
Ye Holy Messenger,
above lesser Messengers,
such as MSN Messenger,
and Yahoo Messenger,
for Thine Will is Eternal.
Every Click
raises the flag
of the Spamtec Clique.
We Praise and Salute Thee Eternal.
I Will Sacrifice One Million Antis
for Thee and Thine Honor.
Test not My Faith, Yonder Antis,
or find Ye Servers
Held Down by the Mighty Packets
of Mine Own Botnet.
In His Name,
Amen.
|
|
| praise Him for Days to Come |
[06 Apr 2009|10:30am] |
blessed be He who Provides
Me Taquitos on a Monday Morning.
i Speak of His Grace Eternal,
Mine Own God of Spam (We Praise
Yonder Methods Infinite).
I Implore Thee, Dear God of Spam,
Repair Exim in such a way That
it will Actually Rotate IPs Properly.
If This be too much of A Task
for Mine Lord,
I Still Humbly Bow to Thee,
whilst i Sip The 2% Milk That
You Have Provided Me With,
Quenching my thirst after Ingesting
Yonder Taquitos.
Blessed Be Ye,
Lord of SMTP -
God of Spam
we forever thank Thee.
He died for Your Mails.
|
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