| The Maiden of Gold |
[24 Jan 2010|06:59am] |
she,
in the Name of He,
embarked on Yonder Journey to
Cities of
Apples.
in the Name of He I say -
on Yonder Internet,
ye Can meet ye Mate
on the Information Interstate.
ye can Meet Mates of
Fame and Fortune
and take a Portion,
with no need for Extortion.
and so she Did.
And she Stay
for Most.
to those not in the know,
I Am Sorry -
you may know
Soon Enough.
This is very Important Science we
are doing
on the Starship.
Praise Him Eternal.
|
|
| Until Tonight, he had Never Spammed |
[03 Jan 2010|10:37am] |
soon After,
he was in the Cutty,
with Putty.
Welcome to Yonder Legion of Him,
goon sire Rox.
May He Always Provide,
like a Hosting Provider -
Dollars from the Google Business KITT*
aka Knight Rider.
* $973/wk results not typical. Your credit card will be rebilled indefinitely in the amount of $xxx.xx on the first of every month until you call 888-888-8888 and also express your intent to cancel in writing to the address you receive in your email. Hallelujah Holla Back.
|
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| We gettin ⎷⎝⎛⎷⎝⎛⎷⎝⎛⎷⎝⎛⎷⎝⎛⎷⎝⎛⎷⎝⎛⎷⎝⎛⎷⎝⎛⎷⎝⎛⎷⎝ money. |
[23 Dec 2009|07:07am] |
Yonder Disciple Chozo Ninpo
Dwells as Such:
Blessed is He who has blessed me with a 5k pay on the first day of a new method.
Truly 'tis the season to ball without reason as the great prophet YTCracker has said.
May you all enjoy the same activity with all of your methods these fine holidays.
All praise to Him, for He is great.
Praise Him Eternal.
|
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| 'Tis the Season |
[23 Dec 2009|06:22am] |
to Ball for No Reason.
from Him to Them,
to You and Yours,
may the Inbox open
up Like Pores.
(when Ye are
Sending Mail, Hurrah.)
Hallelujah for Science.
|
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| In His Name We Send, Amen |
[19 Nov 2009|09:48pm] |
Dear He,
Please provide
this evening
with Fruitful Conversions
of Google Earn'ns.
(in excess of $1k, late start)
Oh My,
Acai,
Give me a Sign.
In Your Name
the Mails go Out.
ASGPHE.
|
|
| Galacticians 5:16-21 |
[17 Nov 2009|08:35am] |
Originally Posted
by xDN4 of Digital Gangster dot Com:
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God, but He will guide you to the promise land of thee Oh Glorious Inbox and adorn we with the mightiest of the spaceship weed. In His name we send. (Gal 5:16-21)
|
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| Outgrow Thine Prime World |
[07 Nov 2009|12:33am] |
and Build Thine Own.
Meta that world.
Welcome thyself to Space.
Take a Knee in the privacy
of Thine Shrine
and
Praise Thine Gifts
He
gave you.
What started as a Vision
I started,
mine Brethren
will Finish
without me.
From Sperm to Spam King to Spamtec to Spaceship;
know your place
and
Play Your Part (Sweet Jones).
Money on the Dresser,
drive a Spaceship 7XL (Not yet invented) utilizing an Alcubierre drive (559-STC Mark V Model) with Roor-inspired chambers of Greatness Spacetime Compressor.
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| Sermon of Allegorical Starship Volume II |
[16 Oct 2009|06:14am] |
Speaketh Mineself Now
as Science Officer of the Starship(s) California
Commander Dr. Trikrome the First,
alter ego of Mineself YTCracker,
alter ego of Mineself Bryce Case, Jr.,
alter ego of Mineself His Servant Eternal, Amen.
(May Your Seeds Always Be Received
within
One Minute of Yonder Sending of Aforementioned Seed,
Amen)
Science Officer's Log: ED (Earth Day) 2009.10.16 0627h
I forgot what I was going to say.
Dear Book of Spam,
According to Jadzia Dax, it was a science officer's job to always have a "better idea." (DS9: "Paradise")
Eternal Praise Be On the Church of my People.
The Church of the Divine Dedicated Server,
The Church of the Holy Hotmail Method,
The Church of the Blessed Bot Traffic,
The Church of the Almighty Spam God (Praise Him Eternal).
I'm in space listening to Tiny Dancer and laughing at the Internet conspiracy that Pad and I just high fived on. Do you realize what has been happening under your noses? 9/11 was an inside job, WAKE UP PEOPLE!
Thank you for having verses about Spam for me to Read on the Starship.
Sciencerly,
Commander Dr. Elliott Trikrome the First
Medical Marijuana User
P.S. - I'm high right now.
|
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| Sermon of Allegorical Starship Volume I |
[11 Oct 2009|11:29pm] |
Yonder Yons of Ye Olde Faith
in
Bitstream Love and Death, Praise Him
Eternal.
the Tale
of the Spaceship Starship,
Forged
in the Hearts and Minds of
Few,
Preached to the Billions
in Attendance
on This Grand Stage
of His,
ASGPHE.
When Thou Fillest
Thy
Time
Jumping on Trampolines
in
the Foyer of
Mansions,
or Thwart a
Woman's
Advances
on Ye Cock
Whilst serving at the Pleasure
of the Captain
in the Name of Science, Amen,
He
Will Bless
and Keep You
For All Eternity.
It Moves No Slower Than
Warp
Speed.
Worf
Please.
Think on These Things in His Name.
May Your Inbox %age be at least
Eighty-Seven through Ninety
for a successful campaign.
Mails per Minute not Important.
|
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| Pilgrim On, Yonder Followers of the Sacred Order of Spam |
[27 Sep 2009|05:08am] |
our Journeys Hath Lead we
into the
Awesome.
High Ponce of Bulk YTCracker
humbly Brings
Messages from His (ASGPHE) Followers.
Krazy, 08.02.2009:
Spam Gods, give us this day, our daily bread and good conversions. Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those antis who trespass against us. Give us plenty leads, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever. Amen
UnluckyXIII, 08.02.2009:
For when I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Anti, I fear no alphabet men, for I have Him to guide me.
May your conversions rise to meet you,
May the Anti always be at back.
Praise be.
brand0n, 08.02.2009:
For the Spam God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten proxy, that whosoever believeth in him should not hit the spam box, but have everlasting inbox.
Spam God grant me the serenity
to accept the inboxes I can not hit;
courage to mail AOL;
and wisdom to know the difference.
AMEN.
Dog will hunt
i'm
the front end Loader Travoltin' Over
so
Try my Slam on For Size.
I got Somethin
and it goes Thumpin
like This.
All you need is
my
uhn Tiss
Uhn tiss
uhn tiss.
I Shall Post More Visions
He has Given me
soon Enough.
|
|
| Praise the Days of Him Who Does the Damn Thing |
[30 Jul 2009|07:57pm] |
"Do the Damn Thing,"
He Spake.
"Get Tore Up under City lights."
Spell City Backwards,
YTiC.
YTC.
High Disciple of Spam,
Cracker like Graham.
Will See Ye in Vegas This Week,
and Ye Olde New Yuck Next.
Praise the Days.
ASGPHE.
|
|
| Book of MathSPEWS 26:23 |
[30 Jun 2009|02:11pm] |
(Disciple's Note:
This Book of the Book
details the Betrayal of
He
by the One Known as
SPEWdas
and His (ASGPHE)
Final Skype Conference
and
the Basis for
our Communion.
For those Who Do Not Follow
the evil that is
SPEWS,
it is the Spam Prevention
Early Warning
System,
a Terrible Vile Filter
of His Message Eternal,
named of the
Traitor SPEWdas, who
receives No Praise from us
but is the god
of the antis.
Fuck SPEWdas.)
And He Answered and
Said,
"he that Dippeth his
Accounts
With Me in the
Phish Tank,
the same
Shall Betray Me."
The Father of the
Simple Mail Transfer Protocol
Goeth
as It is Written
about Him.
But Woe unto That
anti
by whom the Father of the
Simple Mail Transfer Protocol
is Betrayed!
It would be good
for that anti
if he had Not Been Born."
Then SPEWdas,
which Betrayed Him,
said,
"Architect of ARPANet,
is it I?"
He said unto him,
"Yes, it is you,
Colon Parenthesis,
Less than Symbol
Backslash
Three."
And as they were
Idle on Skype Chat,
He took Oxycodone,
and Blessed It,
and Brake It,
and Faxed it to the Disciples,
and said,
"Take, eat; this is My Body."
And He took the Cup,
and Gave Thanks,
and Gave It To Them,
Typing,
"Drink ye all of it;
For this is My Blood
(it was the Purple Lean
mixed with NOS
Energy Drink,
with a Touch
of the NMDA Antagonist
Dextromethorphan,
for tolerance Purposes)
of the Spam Testament,
which Is Shed
for Many
for the Remission
of Failed Methods.
But I say Unto you,
I will Not Drink Henceforth
of this Purp,
until that Day
when I Lean with you
at My Datacenter in the Sky."
And when they Had Sung a Pspalm,
they went out
Crusing in the Slab,
Gripping Grain and
Dripping Stain.
|
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| A Pspalm came to His Child |
[30 Jun 2009|01:31pm] |
FrankWhite
(A
True Disciple of the
Order of He, Praise Him
and His Position,
Senior System Administrator
of the Universe)
was Inspired
by Him (Praise Him Eternal)
and Received this
Blessing
This Morning
(A Morning
Graciously provided
by He
in this
Solid State Memory
we Call
Life):
ASGPHE,
we call Upon Thee
to Bless us
on our Ventures
for Money,
so that we Do Not Change from the Money,
but Instead
use the Money
so we Don't Have To Change.
We ask This
so that we May Remain
Awesome
and
Focused on our
Inner Self, and not
Material Possessions
nor Things
of a Trivial or Trifling nature.
May You Bless us
to continue to be
Crafted
in Mercury's Image,
because as we Remain Mercury,
We are unable
to be touched
by anyone else
on Any Level.
Amen.
|
|
| Pspalm of Equality |
[25 Jun 2009|06:33am] |
And So,
He made Us All Equal in
His Vision;
We are All of Equal Byte Length
but Unique enough
to
Prevent Hashtable Collisions.
Amen ASGPHE
|
|
| He Gave You A Sign |
[18 Jun 2009|09:17am] |
In Roman mythology,
Mercury
was a Messenger,
and a God of Trade (perhaps
Link Trade,
or
Prog Trade),
Profit and Commerce
(No Doubt from
his
Messaging
Prowess).
Mercury Racing forever.
Praise Him(ASGPHE)
and
praise Mercury,
who was a Balling ass Spammer
who Obviously Balled so Hard
in the Olden Days,
he became a God.
Be Mercury.
|
|
| Vision of the Day |
[05 Jun 2009|02:54pm] |
rmk: He called down to me
rmk: and said
rmk: young rmross
rmk: you are too trill for this fuck shit
rmk: they have but two choices
rmk: to get down, or to lay down
rmk: either way you win
rmk: so why doest ye trippeth
rmk: and then He gave me vision
rmk: and said yung nastey mane
rmk: go ye forth
rmk: and put a dent in the Game
rmk: chuuch
rmk: and that was it
rmk: and i'm going to listen
rmk: and beat up the Game like a seattle goon
|
|
| We Mourn Gill |
[02 Jun 2009|09:05pm] |
Three Days Ago,
a
Great Man
Died.
he was a professional poker player for 32 years.
he smoked cigarettes for 50 years.
he smoked bud from ages 16-81.
he died at 82.
- mattersfool/pat
Let This Be His Lesson
for
the Day:
if we do Not Live our Lives
This Fast,
we may As Well
Hang up our Fucking Modems
Right N+++
ATH0
NO CARRIER
|
|
| Lil Scrappy is the Soundtrack Of Our Triumph |
[02 Jun 2009|03:21pm] |
Praise HIM ALMIGHTY!
For HE has Made Us
$8.
The First 8 Figures
in Any Project
Begin
with the First
$8.
ALMIGHTY SPAM GOD PRAISE YOU ON HIGH
WE NEVER LEAVE YOUR SIDE
YOUR PROXIES ARE OUR SHIELD
OUR F5 BUTTONS WORN FROM CONSTANT USE
(APPLE R FOR MACFAGS)
|
|
| The Gospel According to Benjamin |
[02 Jun 2009|12:14am] |
On My
(High Ponce of Bulk
YTCracker,
Apostle of the Gospel,
Face of the Faith)
desktop
Lieth a Photograph
of
A Man Named Franklin.
St. Benjamin.
Currency of
the Current Sea
of
Methods and
mayhem.
It is decreed
His Followers
since
Birth of the Church
and Its Holy Works
receive This Blessing
of
St. Benjamin
in Numbers Endless.
We solemnly ask,
in these Days of Despair,
that Our
Dialers
and Our
Mailers
and Our
Spimmers
bring forth our Hero
St. Benjamin
to
Combat Our Poverty.
His Methods are Righteous.
His Grace is Mighty.
May We Choke and May We Croak
Before We Chosen Go broke.
St. Benjamin,
protect our Pockets -
May They Never Go empty.
ASGPHE In His Name We Send.
|
|
| Praise Him until my eventual (and perhaps Untimely) Death |
[31 May 2009|07:03pm] |
In Case
He
Calls me back into
the
Source Code
before what i Feel
is
My Time,
I Say:
it is
Eternally
a Pleasure Serving
the Will of Him
for He
has given me
Everything.
Serve Him Faithfully;
Scam Not Thine Hands
that Feed.
Mail Not Thine Removes
to Thine Kin's Landing
Page.
Kill Not Thine Methods
for No Profit.
(I've Been Watching
a lot of Oz,
which aired on HBO from
1997-2003.
it has
quite a bit of gay sex,
does the Wire have
this much gay sex?
nope.)
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